it's tough when you actually want to speak out your mind, but u can't.
u think twice about whether u should just let it out or let it in.
if u dont say it, things will just hang. but on the other hand, if u do, u worry about creating bigger implications.

susah kan?
...or maybe it's cuz i think too much?

to those who don't know me, i do worry quite a lot. sometimes i dwell on small matters too much. maybe i tend to overanalyse little things, but not for the purpose to complicate matters, but to make sure they don't go awry in the end. that's just who i am.
i don't like it when things don't have a definite course, and i hate to assume. i'd prefer it to be straight -to-the-point, so that i know where i stand, what my limits are and how far should i go.
i know i have a lot more to offer, but i'm stuck here - clueless.

maybe this is the point when i should just leave it up to fate?

new regime.

it's not a fun weekend let me tell you.

why? cuz i had to work on both days - no day off for me this week :(.

bummer huh?

wpun cam pathetic kene keje both days, pagi td i pegi keje gile semangat ok. i bgn kol 4 pg, then kol 5 dah bertolak from home. smpai ward je exactly 5.30am on the dot. nurses sume takjub tgk i dtg awal sgt smpai ckp 'Dr Liana, awalnyee dr. datangg. mengigau ke ape ni?' hahaha. i bukan ape, semalam i felt sooo penat plus lenguh2 bdn lepas workout kat gym hari tu. sume Jody my personal trainer punye pasal. habis die dera i with squats and lunges, not to mention pushups and cardio training. mmg pancit i okayy. the next day tu sakit2 badan ya amatt..tu yg semalam i tido awal gile, pas magrib je terus pancit tido smpaiiii the next mrng. hebat kan? heheee~

patutnye ptg ni ade gym session lg with JOdi, but td he called me up and had to cancel the session as he had a soccer match. die punye la apologize, i pun buat2 hampa la kan (tp dlm hati sbnrnye sukeee yabedabedooo :D :D ) adoii camne la nak kurus camnehhh..ish22.

since i started gym last week, i had to force myself to go on a diet as well. kalau tak whats the use of hitting the gym but yet makan tak jage kan? so dgn azam yg kental i pun pegi la beli brg2 makanan diet hari tu..all sorts of low fat cereal and wholewheat bread i beli. not to mention mcm2 salad and veges. diet i simple je, eat rice less, lebihkan sayur n fruits. and one big no-no is: NO JUNK FOOD in between meals. seriously. once u start munching on smthg, the calories will just grow on u. kalau rs lapar pun, i'll just munch some fresh carrot sticks je la. celeri sticks i tak mampu nak mkn mcm tu je - rs die mcm too strong. carrots tu atleast ade la jugak manis2 die kan. pagi2 i makan 1 wholemeal bun with half cup coffee, lunch i bwk wholemeal bread jugak 2 ketul gi spital with apples. malam baru la i makan mewah sikit - tu pun takla mewah sgt, just sup sayur tomyam with grilled chicken.

my gourmet meal -vege tom yam soup with grilled chicken. it looks a bit weird i know, sbb ade ayam grilled yg dicarik2 tgh berenang dlm tomyam sup tu. plus i letak suhun ngan fucuk skali dlm tu, a bit pelik la kan. but that's the way i like it and i've always had my tomyam soup this way mase kat dublin dulu. 6 bulan weh masak sup tomyam ni hari2 (diet punye pasal maa ;P hehee). best wor, time winter mkn sup ni panas2 mmg rase warmmm gile, takyah pakai heater pun takpe dah. heheh

so amcam, sgt ambitious tak i?
oh well, let's hope it lasts. ;P

kelmarin mase my 2-days off, sempat la kuar ngan fifi kejap. since die kate die ngidam Bubba Gump n i pun dah lame tak makan, we settled for a quiet long lunch there.

kitorg tried this out : cajun shrimp with toasted baguette in spicy sauce.

chicken fillets with fries. hancur berkecai dietku. uhuk2.

lunch at Bubba Gump @ the curve with Fifi. kenape la pipiku mcm di pam pam?? huwarghh stresssssss :'((

kelmarin i ckp la ngan Jody mase tgh lari atas treadmill tu.. i told him i wanted to target 'specific areas' la during my workout session ni. he laughed at me and said 'oh well, i understand most ladies are not satisfied with their body shapes and wants to achieve quick results, but u know what i'm here to train u as a whole - to improve ur body strength and stamina, not just to help u get good body shape. as time goes along, u'll get what u desire'. with that he winked and then made me run faster on the treadmill until i couldn't talk to object what he said. hmphhh sabar je laaaa. name pun die tu my personal trainer kan, of course la i ckp ape yg i nak achieve out of this gym sessions with him kan. ughhh. fine2, if by the end of the 1o sessions i dont achieve what i want, i tak kire die kene refund duit i balik!wawawawaaa

kawan2, sile pastikan sy tak langgar diet sy yea? if u see me cooking benda yg mengarut2 tlg marah kan i yeh yeh? i bg u all amanah berat ni tau. hehehh ;P

2011 - so this is it.

i feel like my fingers haven't held a spatula for a long longggg time. almost a month to be exact - that goes to show how topsy turvy my life has been lately. bukan takde masa langsung, but bila cuti tu rasa mcm nak tidoooo je kejenye. or go out with friends just to catch up on each other's social lives. don't get me wrong, my love for cooking hasn't subsided no way - i just needed a short break. a little ME-time.


i guess a month of not cooking has finally made me realised how i missed my little comfort zone.so hari ni saje je la korek freezer tgk ade sotong dakwat gergasi my mom beli kat pasar tani pg tadi - terus la i masak sotong kunyit pedas. lame tak makan nyummm.


sotong kunyit masak pedas. konon da lame tak masak tp last2 the dish i produced sgt la simple di dunia kot. hahaa

oh btw, i want to wish fellow bloggers Happy New Year 2011! though it's a week too late now. hehee. surely everyone has their own wishlists for this new year kan? i have my own if u peeps want to catch a glimpse:

wishlist 2011:

1.get a new car. checked.

-i've finally succumbed to temptation and booked myself a white peugeot 308 turbo 2 weeks ago. i know i've been torn btwn mazda 3 and peugeot for quite some time now, but since my parents are big fans of continental car rather than a Japanese-made car - i settled with peugeot instead. hey, the panoramic retractable glass roof is the one thing i can't resist! it actually adds more space to the car's interior. plus, time night driving bole la star gazing kan. it's got a 'sport's mode' driving too- for someone like me yg jarang memecut kereta agak useless gak la, tp skali skala best gak kan pecut ;)

my new ride. insya allah by end of this month dpt kot.:) konon hari tu nak sgt kete kaler merah, last2 i switched to a white car plak. tahpape kan i ni

here's the panoramic tinted roof glass i've been telling u about.

2.rejoin a gym - checked.

-today i dont know what came over me, after work i terus headed to KLCC"s Fitness First. dah lama pk nak join gym again sbnrnye. lately ni although keje still busy, but actually tak teruk sgt mcm masa i mula2 keje dulu smpai terus lost 5kg in 1 month. skrg ni my weight dah naik instead! gile takkkk? bahaye wor. tu yg terus join gym hari ni - i thought bile lagi kan? although work will still be hectic, i'll just try to squeeze in some work-out in between. lama gila dah tak exercise ok, almost 3 months dah kutt. tak fit langsung! menyesal plak sbb terminate my Fitness First mmbrship kat Penang last yr, otherwise boleh transfer my account je. i'm hiring a Personal Trainer again this time - since i needed to target some specific problematic areas kan hahaaa :P. and guess what - i got my old personal trainer Jodi back!! couldn't believe my eyes when i saw him td in the gym, it's been like 5 years kot since die jd my PT. surprisingly he said he still remembers me vaguely - as the medical student who used to study in Dublin. hehee. actually ade 12 PTs kat FF tu, but sume i tak kenal. since i've worked with JOdi previously, i figured why not hire him back kan, plus i was comfortable with him before. Jodi ni is a Eurasian guy - very good looking and super nice - so u can imagine the embarrassment i would have to endure when he makes me squat or do laps of push-ups kannn??? (luckily now the new FF takde stairs or else he would make me climb those flight of stairs countless times - that used to be his favorite way of torturing me i tell u! ohh that and also i vividly rmmbr he also liked to hav me jump in btween rowing machines 'army training-style' as fast as i could. goshh sgt memalukan ok!) . lagi pulak td the FF consultant ckp Jodi just recently went for training under Biggest Loser Asia sponsored by Fitness First - i'm sure he would have developed more ways to torture me nanti. huhu.

dulu FF kat KLCC tu used to be located in Menara Maxis just beside KLCC, but now actually diorg dah pindah to Avenue K just opposite KLCC. i pun baru tau tadi, tgk2 kat menara maxis dah kosong. huhu. but this time i think the gym is much better, one floor je now instead of 2 floors like before. plus byk new stuff jgk i tgk, like new group classes - hot yoga, belly dancing classess (aha!! ;P) and whatnot. system dorg pun dah improve, dulu used to pakai keys for the lockers, now pakai scan system je. not bad la i think.

the goodies - as usual.

3. become a better doctor - in progress.

though i dah nak habis my medical rotation this month (can't believe 4 months passes by quite fast kan??), i still feel like i dont know much. hari2 go through the same old routine, clerk patients, examine them and present the cases to MOs /specialist/consultants. somehow i still rasa i mcm blur and my knowledge is like, zilch. seriously. sometimes i rasa keje jd houseman ni more to like jadi kuli la, amek darah, request for imagings like ultrasound/CTscans or whatnot (and kene marah dulu by radiologist before getting it), do referrals etc.

the past 2 weeks i've been doing my rotation in rheumatology/first class ward. stress gak la sbb rheumatology cases sume nye yg panjang2, chronic cases with long lists of immunosupressive history sume tu. pening gile kepala bile kene summarise kan and go thru patients' old notes to tabulate their immunosupressive hx (i.e what immunosupressive drugs they were on, for how long, the doses, why the drug was stopped etc etc). i spent hours just doing that.this week i balik lambat je, dah la 2 org HOs je dlm ward tu including me. rheumato ward plak sume nye big bosses yg jaga (i.e bigshots la mcm the Head of dept of medicine, consultants sume) and they have grand ward rounds twice weekly. mane tak stress when kene present cases dpn those bigshots and kene tny mcm2 soalan. hadeh..serabut kepala i this week. luckily next week i pindah gi cardio ward plak - lega sikittt.

4. to settle down (ahemm). in progress

-this one, i dont know when the time will come. i'm gona be 26 this year (OMG rasa cam tua gila - for a girl la kan :P), and i really am hoping to end my singleton years quickly provided i've found the right person la kan. my friends ramai gile yg kawen early this year including my best buddy Nima and Sal. soo happy for you two!

if there's one thing i learned about love and relationships, it would be that nothing comes with a guarantee. how i wish it does, just like any other goods u buy from a shop. if only it's that easy kan?

u all tlg doakan i skali yeh? :)

this song has been running through my mind these past few days. why entah. some of the lyrics just hit home i guess.

it's a girl's thing :)

it's that rare occasion of the year again - when all four of us gals can meet up and chat away to our hearts' content :D. fifi just came back from Jakarta last night, and straightaway we arranged for a rendezvous today. fyi, we've been friends since Form 1, and look at how close we still are at this ripe age of 25. i guess that's what real friendship means.

you see, Nima and Asil are both engineers - while Fifi and I are involved in the medical field. Fifi's studying in Jakarta, is finishing very very soon and hopefully will join Selayang Hospital (haha :P) later. that's why we dont have that much chance to meet up every so often. anyways, Fifi's home for the next 5 weeks, so yeah, i guess u'll be seeing more entries like this one! ;)

we arranged for lunch date at Delicious @ Dua Residency Jalan Tun Razak. i've always loved the place cuz of it's coziness - u can just lounge there for hours and hours. the food is quite nice too.

look at the lanterns/birdcage. nice eh?

ranting pun bole nampak cantik if u know how to decorate kan? :)

clockwise from top: homemade pesto spagettini, portobello mushroom burger with pesto mayo and fries, grilled chicken burger with turkey bacon, ranch dressing and fries, classic reuben with pastramisauerkraut and melted cheese. fuhh berbelit lidah nak pronounce ok.

kali ni model2 makanan i sume girls yg cun2. but the first two are taken yea :0 hahah

my gals :)

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oh, ni entry yg patutnye i publish smlm but tak sempat. smlm kan mase i gi OU, i ternampak these things:

MINI MACARONS!!! i mengidam gile nak rasa macarons nieee...macarons ni sbnrnye is a meringue-based confectionary made of eggwhites, sugar and colouring. it's usually filled with buttercream or jam filling in btwn. smlm tah camne leh ternampak plak ade this kiosk yg jual. apelagi terus beli la kan. rase die sgt2 sweet. to my taste takla sedap sgt, but kire puas hati la sbb dah merasa. so Aquahartz,if u're reading this - next time when u come back from Melbourne u dont have to tapau macarons for me k. haha ;P

yang ni mcm biase la, model paksa-rela i. bwahahahaa :P